Why Your Thoughts Matter

This past weekend, God has once again shown me why you should always be kind to people in both your actions and in your spirit. I think most people who know me would label me as a kind person (I hope so at least), but what they see is only half of what matters. How you think about people and what you carry in heart is seen by God; and while you may be sparing the feelings of someone by not speaking your mean-spirited thoughts, you may also unknowingly be hurting yourself. Let me explain what brought me to this revelation. The full story is not mine to tell and while I doubt anyone whom this story would effect will ever read this article, I will not take advantage of that. The full facts are not needed to get the message anyway. Basically, there was a man who was getting close with my family and he behaved in a way that I did not approve of once when visiting. Instead of acknowledging that I did not like the way he behaved, I ranted to my mother and therapist about how I felt. That in itself may not seem awful, the problem is that's not where it stopped. I used that one situation to shape my entire opinion of him. Prior to the incident, he had never done anything to intentionally offend me and even went out of his way for me a few times. I was not humbled by these kind gestures. I went as far as saying I did not like him and constantly went on tangents in my head about the man.

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Fast-foward to this past weekend where I am devastated to find that he was in a fatal car accident. I cannot help but be overwhelmed by guilt to have had such contempt in my heart about a man who never did anything but try and help me. Don't get me wrong, I was never anything but kind to him in person. (And I am extremely happy about that!) But the reality is that it was not completely genuine. God knows that I was not completely genuine. My thoughts have hurt no one but myself. (I'm extremely grateful for this as well.)

When I was younger, I made a conscious effort to not think negatively about anyone, and I was blessed enough that God gave me that gift. Over time I allowed the world to change me and convince me that it is okay to have negativity in your heart because it's human. The thing is, I don't want to just be human. I want to die to my human self so that I am so filled with God's love that all I am capable of doing is bleeding that love onto everyone I come into contact with. I cannot do that without a pure heart and mind. I will forgive myself for my previous way of thinking and take this experience as a lesson. I will remember to always be kind to people (including myself), both in my actions and in my thoughts. I want people to look at me and know I am filled with Jesus, and I cannot do that when my mind is filled with negativity.

Rest in Peace. I am sorry. You will be missed. God bless,

Kashia Versae